what happened to me? is it just the hormones?

I was different from the kind of person i am now when i was younger. 11,10,8,5,3,2 even a year ago, i feel so distant from. especially as a little kid, those years, well, i dont want to be associated with. i think i feel this way because of my desire to rebrand myself, form myself a novel and fresh self identity. where who i was and my memorie of the past get in the way of that, which really conflicts with my feelings. i also feel that all these emotions. will be fairly temporary, and i might do brash things that i'll regret in the future. for instance, the attitude i give towards my father. i feel awful about it everytime. i dont know whats wrong with me. i feel really fustrated,  trapped, stuck. i dont know what to do , what to feel about it. i feel hopeless. 

what am i doing

 ive no clue what im doing. my time keeps going at its consistent progression, a mark for the start, then a mark to signal the end. that mark, well, i dont know when. i continue to walk this path over five thousand days trekked, while, frankly, having absolutely no idea where im going. i make no progress in anything i do. my tree has stayed a sapling for who knows how long , i havent really grown. rise after rise. night after night. everything loops and loops, these wires have tied so many times its become truly untangleable. my life is devoid of any particular spark of passion or ambition. im a living, no must i correct,existing, hollow husk of a flesh sack.

what does grow, is my perpetual sense of uncertainty and fustration that haunts me day by day.