loneliness is unavoidable

i crave deep connections. strong, meaningful ones. romantic, platonic. relationships. friendships. i want them.

but, meaningful connections can lead to possibly getting hurt.

you bury yourself so deep into this person that you might not realise that theres a risk that if something happens in that connection, it will hurt, and it could hurt so so terribly. 

so dont make any deep connections to avoid that then, but you'll eventually get horribly lonely. 

is it really that difficult to fill that painful hole in your chest?

our lives are just limited. limited time. limited energy. limited attention. so how do you find enough of these things to deal with the annoying pain of loneliness? your social opportunites are too, so limtied. proximity is just so crucial. school setting for instance, where you have the chance to see the same people multiple times of the week for several waking hours which you can maybe befriend and have plenty of time to bond a connection with. but what if theres nobody thats similar to you and who'd be really compatible with you? you want to be someones favourite person and you want a favourite person. you want someone to talk to when you need to. you want someone that you can rely on. you want someone that you can bond over interests over. you want someone you can feel connected to. you want someone you can share things you want to get out. you want someone who you feel you can be safe with and trust dearly. you want a social connection where both parties see eachother as important and personally valued parts of their lives. 

it hurts. and if i have to emphasize it more, i will. it hurts.

what a dilemma. what a pain.