rip this flesh off me

 being trapped in this body pains me. why is it that i have this face? i dont want this face, its so ugly. why is it that i have this face? i dont want this body, its so ugly. why was i forced into existence then given such a hideous body? 

fallible, filthy, weak, limited, sickening, ugly body. then it will rot and decay.

i want to rip my skin off. destroy it. scratch it all off. make my bones, my organs, my flesh, my muscle, my limbs, everything, make it all disappear. put me in a different body, a different life. a different person. not me. not me and its body. i often dig into my arms with my nails and imagining my features peal off. i wish to be formless. let a body not define me. im nothing. just my character. who i am internally. my identity. my personality.

curse this face. it doesent feel like mine nor do i want it. i dont want this body. i dont want to be me. i dont want to be alive. its all so awful.   

i want to be attractive. i want to be handsome. i want to be good looking. i dont want this body. discard it. i dont want it to define me externally. it doesent represent me. it doesent feel like me.  

i want a different body. a different face. i want to be attractive. i want to so bad.