i want.

 I want to feel 

a specific something

a feeling

its subliminal, beautiful ,passionate. 

I want to create something that will make me feel that

I want to experience something that will make me feel that

I want to live 

a life I like

If suicide is so hard then why not make my life something that id maybe like

But I can’t even get close to doing that

I want to make connections

Make experiences with friends 

that I am so deeply close with

I want to experience lots of things

Still in my limited youth,

I crave a strong, passionate, intense something

Can i ever even feel satisfied with any time spent?

I dont know. 

I dont know.

Im lost.

And im trying to maintain living in this world before I can even sober up and really get a grasp of what I want to even do

Just what

I don’t get it

Maybe im not supposed to get it

I don’t know

I want.