something 060526

at times when i want to very much and have the opportunity to to open to and spill out whats been affecting my wellbeing or any matter/feelings of similar, im too paralysed to do so. 

its something that i find bothers me a lot.

i know it is bad, as if i dont have an outlet for it

it turns into very unhealthy and negative outputs or just making me feel terrible thus making my health in general worsen 

self injury, self destruction, feeling a deep lowness and other unpleasant things, just to name

i dont really know

ive really just wanted some deep social connection for me to confide into, but, circumstances, have put me still here that ive been for quite some longsome time, not with anyone ive met or build deep enough of a connection with that i feel safe enough and trust and know they will understand to open up to

its frustrating.

its making me hopeless.

its pushing me to further, deeper, intenser ideation of death

i cant

i dont know

i feel very empty

i feel very low

i dont know how to react or approach or fix this

im just seeing dying as, i understand it is irrational and quite excessively dramatic, the only resolution to what i am experiencing