that loathe i feel at me

in that gymnasium in your school where that university expo was on that midday of a regular friday.

filled with angsty, hormonal, lost teenagers being given illusions of direction in their life by selections of stall by stall varying in category for an hour, accompanied by a friend you converse with to seek deepness only met with a familiar emptiness from not feeling fulfilled from it despite the perceived satisfaction you got from it.

you glanced plenty towards those two girls you've no words spoken to that you like.

when you had that opportunity to initiate with her.

you froze yourself and paralyzed to until when she left.

leaving no words but anxious, clinging, wanting looks and glances towards her.

a girl you know nothing about, a girl you latch onto from physical appearance, a girl only present in your mind from only a simple proximity to her 

that romantic loneliness bares itself stronger infront of you, its rough iron claws sink deeper into you, dragging you lower and lower, suffocating and drowning you yet the more.

only displeasures and bads permeate this state of being.

some, caused by oneself, and this, a good example.

an example that gnaws at me a self hatred so dreadful which only has grown even greater.