untitled

 Look at that.

It’s my youth slowly stepping away from me each passing day.

I hate you so much. We all do. We hate each other

Fuck

Fuck fuck f

Fuck fuck

他妈的

他妈的

他妈的

Fuck.

Im in this sinking void, did I create it? Im falling and falling deeper and deeper either way. 

Im lost.

Im drifting aimlessly every single day.

Not living like it’s my last.

Faintly awaiting my planned date when I’ll leave.

What am I doing? Surviving daily.

So aimless.

I feel so hopeless.

My life won’t change.

My life won’t get better.

My life won’t get any eventful, interesting or moving.

I won’t live a life I will want.

I will never be desirable nor fall and be in love.

These feelings won’t ever go away.

I dont like who I am.

I dont want to be alive.

I dont want to wake up to mornings feeling that awful feeling.

I dont plan to be here for much longer.

I’ll relieve myself from all of this.

And finally be able to lift myself out this hole im stuck in.

Clear that emptiness. Clear the lowness.

Finally leave this place that fits me not well.

Finally press the exit button from this involuntary game im playing.

Another aimless youth.

Wandering metropolitan areas after school finishes.

Distract with eating unhealthy instant gratifying foods.

Distract with self harming yourself.

Distract with listening to excessive amounts of music.

Distract with daydreaming daily about an imaginary romantic relationship.

Distract with screens and mindless media consumption.

Distract with procrastination.

Distract.

Escape.

Avoid.

Deny.

Look away from.

Shut your eyes.

Plug your ears.

Dont face it.

Distance yourself away from it.

Just no confrontation.

No action.

No doing.

You are at fault.

You are. You you you you you you you you you you you.

就是你他妈的。

你。

Why arent you dead yet?