---/--- <<<

still living, i wanted not to be alive now, rather, better previous year dead

i didnt even have a method that year

what are you speaking of, how ridiculous 

didnt even have a method

just internalised wishes

i envy those that left earlier than i wished to

i envy them

i envy them that had the courage to take succeed in exiting this place younger than i am now

i envy them

i envy them

all events to come lay in my hands