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ive been spending countless hours browsing the internet and online media from 15-20 years ago, im pretty submerged into it. which leaves me really wanting to experience it. but its the past. i cant really experience it. yet the web is something that i love. i love bathing in it. its well a distraction, which probably isnt healthy or anything but i cant help it. 

i feel so detached from the material and real world. all the exhausting maintenance the human body needs. i hate it. 

i feel really emotionally isolated, even though i can meet anyone on the internet in so many ways, im too afraid, i just push them away or something. i want deep social connections, my social network ties are so weak and frail. its collapsing. im falling, and with what seems, little to no grace.