desires

they give pain and pleasure.

but i see them as a burden. first born without permission. then if possible is miserable difficulty to end being alive.

trapped in this flesh. flesh i find filthy. flesh i never wanted. flesh i dont want to be in. flesh that gives so many problems. flesh that will eventually rot and decay with pain.

controlled by desires. controlled by needs. 

desires so trivial. desires so disgusting. desires so, i dont know how to describe. 

lust. hunger. thirst. hygiene. sleep. moods. violence. hate. greed. 

they all bother me. they all govern me. my whole life they have, only recently ive started to notice. 

desires, pleasure.

lust. hunger.

desire for pleasure. desire for pleasure. 

sensual, physical touch for pleasure. consumption for pleasure

both pleasures.

sex to create offspring, so the offspring can do the same.

eat to survive, survive so to make offspring so the offspring can do the same. 

the goal is to survive. so it wont end.

i dont know how to feel about it. 

was i seriously just put here as a result of that?

why? i never wanted to. i never wanted life. then to be with this desires. this body. this mind. the torment. i dont understand. 

are all our values and activites and interests and everything about what we think are important to us linked to survival and procreation? 

is survival just to procreate really the whole point?

its so absurd. i dont get it.