i want to feel alive. i want to feel alive. i want to feel alive.
it hurts it does.
i am alive. i dont feel alive.
i am a cadaver only alive.
ive been drowning and suffocating.
burning and melting.
how long, dont know
attempts of illusion of change and progress
how can i make the new radical come into my life?
of novelty, wonder, discovery, depth
that anticipated next moving epiphany
that next chain of new thoughts, feelings and wants
the pages of my book turn and turn and i dont write in any of them
watching my youth slip from my grasp in unintended voluntary self sabotage.
missed, lost, passed.
this endless spin of the world
my temporary spark of time in this world
seeking gratification with acts of indulgence in easy, quick pleasures , really just masked as poison, to satisfy simple carnal, primal desires innate to the human condition in attempt of seemingly arbitrary compensation for this absurd, painful, dull and much full of triviality, state of being.
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