i dont feel alive

 i dont feel alive

i dont

i want to though

i do really want to

how do i?

am i at blame for not feeling alive?

am i overreacting?

am i naming what i feel wrong?

i dont feel alive i dont feel alive i dont feel alive.

i feel as a corpse surviving. 

not experiencing, not feeling strongly. not

not 

not

maybe i should just go explore, expose myself to discomfort, do what is scary

i dont know

i dont know

i just want to say that i dont feel alive

i feel stuck, i feel trapped, i feel drowned, i feel suffocated, i feel pinned down, i feel not alive

could it be that i sabotage myself, stay in my room plenty too much?

letting my youth slip away

time, energy, attention all ill-spent?

so much that its just become self made fuel for more suicidal ideation? 

isnt that pathetic.

i dont feel alive